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What
happened to us? It seemed as though the world's been crashing
down all around us ever since that day we parted. I couldn't
understand it then, and I still don't understand it now.
Something unconceivable happened and I don't understand it, or
at least I can't understand it.
"Terry?"
No answer.
"Terry, honey?"
Silence broken only by my words.
"Terrence..."
The pencil broke and the sound of the chair scuffing the
pristine floors echoed through the room. You stood up and walked
towards the balcony. The sun was beginning to set behind the
horizon. The light shined onto your face as you looked beyond
this time, this place.
"What happened to us, Terrence? What happened...?"
Your eyes seemed to look through my words. They pierced right
through me as you glanced over to where I was standing. I was
transparent, weak, and meaningless under that gaze. I was
nothing.
"Nothing happened," he said under his breath. He wiped his brow
as a bead of sweat dripped down his face.
"Everything happened, Terrence. You just fail to accept it."
He stood there unmoved by my words, as if nothing mattered
anymore. I walked over to where he stood and placed my hand
lightly on his shoulder. His body shuddered. I drew away.
Sitting in the rocking chair on the balcony, I began to think
back to the times before this. We were so happy then.
Terrence and I met about 3 years ago when we auditioned for the
orchestra and wind assemble at our university. We were both
young and passionate over music. I still remember the first day
we met. I was a flutist and he was a bass clarinet. I watched
his audition and instantly fell in love with his music. He was
an amazing musician, which I found rather intimidating since I
would be up in a few minutes. I was terribly nervous over my
audition and dropped my music everywhere before my audition. He
was kind enough to stop and help me pick it up. It was then when
I fell in love with his smile. Neither one of us knew that our
passion for music would extend into our passion for the love we
had for one another. However, that was a long time ago. Things
have changed now.
"You're brilliant, you know. Your music is brilliant just like
you," I said to him softly. "I can never show the same finesse
and ingenuity in my music as you have."
He was quiet and calm, like a soft ballade. I could read his
impulse, his mood, and his preference.
"What happened to us? You don't love me, do you?"
He didn't even have to answer me, for I knew the answer. I loved
him since the first day I met him. I loved him for everything he
was, everything he accomplished, and everything he strived to
be-- I loved him. We used to carry the same tempo, but perhaps I
had imagined it to be that way.
"You were never in love with me, Terrence. You were in love with
my music. No, not even that. You were just in love with the fact
that I loved you. All you wanted was someone to love you for
your music. I can see that now. You never really wanted anyone
to really love you, but I do."
"Cynthia..."
"And now that I love you, it's become too complicated for you.
You never asked for all of this. You never wanted all of this. "
"Cynthia."
This time, I was silent.
"Cynthia, you always were a romantic. You carried a tune far
better than anyone I've ever seen.But, we're just not playing
the same melody anymore."
"Analogies? Is that all you have for me?"
I stood up and faced him straight on. He did not have the same
kind face I saw on that day at the audition. His hands were
cold, and it seemed as though he lived in a world where I could
not reach him. All he had now was the music he creates with
those hands of his. The only thing in his mind and in his heart,
is the melody of the brilliance he wishes to create. He had no
room for the love I had for him. He had no room for anyone or
anything else in the world.
"I'm tired, Cynthia."
"You're always tired, Terrence. Most of all, you're always tired
of me."
"Cynthia."
"No, Terrence. You're right. I see it now. We don't carry the
same melody anymore, and I don't believe we ever did. This duet
of ours isn't truly a duet. In your mind and in your heart, the
only duet you have is a duet for one."
I placed my hand over his heart, as I placed his hand over mine.
"This song has always been playing for you. You're right, I've
always been a romantic. You just never accepted it."
The bags were packed and waiting by the door. The keys in my
pocket were drawn out slowly as I left them at the table by the
door. The ring on my finger slipped off as easily as it slipped
on.
"Goodbye Terrence, goodbye..."
I left without looking back. The ring slipped from my hand and
through my fingertips. The sound of its simplicity crashed onto
the floor as the world crashed with it, resounding into
infinity. I never played the same melody twice, but every once
and a while my heart beats for him. Never ever again would I
play a duet, as I remembered his duet for one. |
