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Final Part
She didn’t tell me anything till yesterday night, when she told
me to go to the airport on Sunday morning, hopefully before
11:00 a.m. I asked her why, even though I somehow already knew
the answer, before I let go of the phone receiver. She was
going, she was going away, once again, out of my life.
She had kept it secret till now, for some mystic reason that I
could not understand. Her uncle was being changed to another
military base, a base that would be nowhere near Kettering.
Renting out their mansion, they’re now off away, ready to start
in a brand-new state. I was in shock, still grabbing the phone
receiver as the dial tone reached my ears, sounding somehow far
away, as in a dream, so far away.
Yesterday was May 14, a Friday that was just after an unlucky
date. I received the call after I returned from Wal-Mart,
finally acquiring the birthday gift for my brother, who will be
thirteen this upcoming Tuesday, May 18. She called me after I
arrived home, about seven-something p.m. She asked me to go to
the station of the flying metal birds, a place for new hellos
and good-byes.
I didn’t get up from my bed today, I didn’t attend our weekly
football brawl with Rick, even though he came and tried to pull
me off my bed. I only told him that I wasn’t feeling well,
probably caught a cold from having the fan blow too high on its
setting, or because of the oil and grease consumed in the dinner
of the night before. Rick gave up when the game’s starting time
was nearing, and left me alone, lying on my bed, just as I had
wished before.
I stared up at the white familiar ceiling of my room, just as I
had done before, so many times before, counting mindlessly the
black dirty spots that were glued on its white surface, eyes
blank, mind gone on a coffee break. I didn’t know what else to
do, I didn’t feel like doing anything else, exhausted both
mentally and physically, as time flowed slowly by without
control.
My brother came in and went out, knowing better than to disturb
me, exited after finding the right games for the Playstation.
Maybe I should go out there and play some games too, my mind had
suggested as I lied there on the bed, half-dead, half-alive.
Maybe playing videogames would get my mind off her, maybe it
will.
I still didn’t move, the body disobeying the orders from the
mind. I didn’t know what time it was, and I really didn’t care
about it at all. I played football because I enjoyed the pain,
the pain as the shoulders crashed together, as you’re tackled
and the grass blades cut your face, burning the body that falls
down within. I think that is the only reason that keeps me
playing football, day after day, never stopped by the wounds or
blood. It wasn’t the glory of the victory that I seeked, or the
feeling of that olive-shaped ball. It was the pain that filled
me inside, that rushed me through the lines of blockers, the
wounds displayed on my body.
I felt alive when I was hurt, the pain making me feel alive,
reassuring me of my existence, telling me that I still exist,
that I’m still here. Pain filled a part of my existence, some of
the void that was inside me, in my soul. I used to think that if
I continued to repeat this, filling piece by piece, as more
wounds were stapled onto my body, that one day I would be
complete, all those little pieces joining and becoming into
whole, a whole existence, no more void inside.
But I was wrong, pain could only fill a part of my existence,
never a whole, no matter how hard I tried, no matter how many
time I tried. I would never be complete, broken pieces of a lost
puzzle, something that could never exist.
I closed my eyes, and let the darkness slowly drink me. Go on,
take me away, oh, Phoenix of the reborned ashes, carrier of the
lost souls in the darkness.
I must have fell asleep, for the sun were golden as I opened
them up, time always running faster when you don’t see them with
your closed eyes. I had dreamt that I was in the Dayton Mall
once again, kissing her before she went away, on the place where
we met, the genesis of it all. And I think that was when I
remembered about it, the promised gift as I bought her that dark
dress.
I quickly got up, jumping out of the spring bed, and dressed
quickly in my usual black T-shirt and blue jeans, stuffing my
pocket quickly with my cash-filled wallet as I ran out of the
house, the shoe lace still untied as I ran, each footstep
sounding louder than the one before, dancing in rhythm with the
pumping of my screaming heart. Thump, thump, thump, sound of
heart and footsteps, filling my eardrums still, as sweat ran
down my face, trying to watch the speed of me.
I blinked as the sun touched the borders of the horizon, its
light announcing the arrival of a new night, the end to another
brand-old day. I reached Rick’s house, and started pounding
crazily at the locked door. “Hey, Rick, open up!” I yelled
breathlessly, lung empty of the oxygen of life, air pressure
crushing my airless lungs. “Hurry up, Rick! I have a favor to
ask of you!”
He opened the goddamn door after a few minutes, which seemed
like millenniums to my beating heart. “What up, G.” He greeted
me as he unlocked the door, his voice muffled by the locked
door, but echoing by the almost empty living room. “Ain’t you
supposed to be sick or something, Tom?”
“I need you to take me to a jewelry shop, fast!” I blurted out
as he opened the door, his face now visible to me. “Come on!”
I saw that he was in his underwear as I entered his house,
probably because of the day’s heat. He looked pretty surprised.
“What the fuck did you say again?”
“I need you to take me to a jewelry store.” I said, as I sat
heavily on his old brown sofa, my lungs still trying to catch
the air that it had lost. Rick’s living room seemed the same as
the last time I saw it, dirty light brown carpet covering the
floor, a sofa on the east side of the room, near the three
windows which filled the room with light, and a large TV on the
opposite side.
“What do you mean ‘a jewelry store’?” Rick asked, closing the
door.
“Get dressed, drive car, and me tell you.” I replied, still
sitting on the large sofa.
“I can’t even if I wanted to,” Rick said, sitting down on the
dirty carpet, his back reclined on the closed green door. “And I
don’t really want to, since you won’t tell me about it.” He
joked, I think. “My car broke down yesterday, and is being
repaired as we speak about it, bud.”
“What?!” I replied in shock. “You’ve got to be kidding me!”
“Nope. Sorry, Tommy boy.” Rick replied, sitting calmly on the
floor.
I sat there for a few seconds, quiet, thinking of some other
way. “Do you have a bus schedule, Rick?” I said after a while,
looking alertly at him.
“Nope.” Rick shook his head. “Besides, it’s too late to catch
any bus at this time...”
“I’ve got to get there somehow...”
“Why do you need to go to a jewelry store anyway?”
“Huh?” I looked up at Rick, as if I just realized that he was
there. “I promised to get Elly a diamond necklace to match her
black dress, a birthday gift...”
“Really? Is her birthday tomorrow or something?”
“No, it’s on July...” I replied weakly, even though my lungs
finally filled with oxygen now.
“July?!” Rick exclaimed in surprise. “Why all the hurry? July’s
still two...”
“She’s going away tomorrow.” I answered simply, as I got up from
the sofa.
“Oh...” Rick said, as I neared the door.
“I’m going now. I’ve got to get there one way or another.”
“Huh?” Rick replied, as he got up and moved away from the door,
so I could pass through it. “And how are you going to do that,
Tom?”
“I’ll run.” I said as I walked out of the door, the sun now
midway through its trip home. I didn’t see how Rick reacted to
this, as I prepared to run.
“Are you crazy?” He yelled behind me. “You’ll never get there,
Tom! Besides, the jewelry stores are going to be closed in about
an hour. Even if you can ran many miles without stopping or
slowing down, you still won’t reach them in time!”
I looked back at him. Rick was still inside his house, sticking
out nothing more than his head out the opening of the door.
“I’ll never know if I never try, right?” I said, smiling
confidently, before I sprinted out of the territory of his
house, running as fast as I could, ignoring the whips of the
untied shoelaces.
“You’re crazy, Tom!” I could still hear Rick’s voice yell at me,
sounding now slowly farther and farther away. “You’re crazy!
You’ll never reach there on time, they’ll be closed by the time
you get there! If you get there!”
I ignored him, I ignored the pain, I ignored the world. I just
ran, faster and stronger than ever before, nothing in my mind
now except the speed of my moving body. I ran the fastest I had
ever gone before, because I had a goal this time, a finish line
that I had to cross, a time limit I had to kill. I could never
run fast before, because I never had a goal before, a destiny
that I had to reach, something that I really wished or wanted.
I ran for about ten minutes, straight, without slowing down or
rest, till the honk of a car startled me, as it swirled toward
me, as if to run me down. I had to stop and quickly get out of
its way, before I got run down by it. It was a rosy red truck,
an old model that has been long time forgotten by the memories
of modern civilization.
The driver, a red baseball cap on his head, waved at me with a
happy smile on his face. Maybe because my eyes were tired from
the run, or I’m just getting blinder and blinder as I grow, for
I didn’t recognize the driver till I waved back and timidly
approached the truck as he took off his red baseball cap.
“Rick?” I asked in surprise as I recognized him, dressed in his
‘Star Wars’ T-shirt and ripped jeans. “What the...”
“Surprised?” Rick laughed as cars blasted past him.
I looked at him as I looked around the car, a truck that I had
never seen before. “Where the fuck did you get this?”
“Get in and I’ll tell you, since we don’t have much time before
the stores closes.”
“Right.” I nodded, as I jumped into the door, the car roaring as
it started its journey. The leather seat was as hard as a marble
floor, but I didn’t mind, for we could reach there now, a
sparkle of hope in the horizon.
“Now what’s this about Elly leaving?” He said, looking at me.
“She called me yesterday and said that she’s moving away
tomorrow.” I paused, just long enough to let a sad sigh escape
out of my lips. “Her uncle is being moved to another base by the
army, on some other goddamn state.”
“Hmm... I see.” He replied, his eyes back on the road again.
“How about you?” I said, my turn to look at him.
“Borrowed from a friend of mine,” Rick replied simply. “Well,
the truck is not actually of my friend, but of my friend’s
dad...”
“Gotcha.” I nodded, my eyes back to the road. “When are you
going to get your car back, Rick?”
“Well, the mechanics said that it was nothing, so I should be
able to get it back tomorrow.” He then looked suspiciously at
me. “Why do you ask, Tommy boy?”
“She’s leaving tomorrow morning, I want to...”
“I see. No problem, Tom. I should be able to pick you up.”
I just nodded silently at this, as we rushed through the busy
streets.
“I’ll be at the arcades room, alright?” Rick
said as we entered the airport’s revolving doors. “Just call me
when you’re done, got that? And if I’m not there, just search on
the restaurant of this floor.”
“Got it.” I nodded, my fingers wrapping around the black leather
box in my blue jean pockets, as I stepped into the cool
artificial air of the building. We had got into the jewelry
store on time yesterday, barely, with the old truck. I didn’t
have enough money with me to buy a diamond necklace, so I bought
her one that had a diamond hanging on a golden metal lace. I
don’t know if the lace was gold or not, but it really didn’t
matter anymore to me then. There was a diamond in the necklace,
which was the thing that I was aiming for.
And so we went through the metal detector, Rick telling the
X-ray operator that the diamond was for my wife, who was leaving
me for a handsomer man. I didn’t have time to think of a smart
retort, and so I didn’t say any.
I ran up the electric elevators, dodging the people who just
calmly stood there. I heard Elly’s voice as I got to the second
floor, my eyes wondering around the huge windows on the sides.
She was in front of a restaurant, wearing that black dress that
I bought her, shining white leather high-heels sticking out from
its long skirts. She was waving, a smile on her face, no trace
of sadness at all. I smiled also as I saw her, a wave produced
by my right hand. She looked beautiful in that dress, she really
did.
“Hi.” I said in a soft voice, as I approached her, the smile on
my face.
“Hi.” She replied, that gentle smile again, calming the
thumpings of my heart.
We stood there staring at each other, not knowing what else to
say. “So...” I said after a while, acknowledging that we had
little time to spend together. “How are you today, Elly. I hope
you’ve gotten over that sickness already.”
“I... Was never sick, Tom.” She replied in a low voice, her eyes
looking away, as if she was unable to stare at me anymore. “It
was just a lie... A lie to get you to spend time with me, that’s
all...”
“You didn’t have to do that, Elly.” I replied, in the same low
voice as hers. “I would have done anything you asked, without
having you lie to me.”
“I guess...” Her eyes looked at me again, some secret hidden
inside. “But I was afraid you might get suspicious, and ask
about for a reason.”
“You... Didn’t have to lie to me, Elly, you didn’t have to hide
any secrets from me... Why did you do it in the first place
anyways?”
“I...” She lowered her eyes now, staring down at the dirty white
tiled floor. “Was afraid that you might change if you learned
about it, Tom...”
“Huh? Change?” I was a little surprised by her reply, not really
understanding it at all. “What do you mean change? Why would I
change?”
“I was afraid... That you would slowly go away from me if I told
you about my departure. I was afraid, that you would stop loving
me, since it would be such a pointless relationship. I was
afraid, that you would change into another behavior once you
learned. I didn’t want that other behavior, I wanted you, the
true you, the you who exists when nothing else threatens your
happiness...
“I... Knew about my departure the day that we first met, the
time that our eyes first met each other. My uncle had told me
that we were departing for this new job soon, which was the main
reason why we went to that fishing trip that day... To see our
favorite fishing spots for the last time...
“That... Was when I met you...” She looked up to me, meeting my
grieving eyes once again. “I thought that you were from another
state... No, I hoped that you were from another state. I hoped
that you would be from the state my uncle’s new job would be, so
that I might see you again, so that I might be with you again...
“I guess... That’s probably the reason why I was so surprised
when I saw you again in Dayton Mall, for then my hopes were
crushed, yet, I was happy to see you again, to know that you
were here with me, as if I had waited for a lifetime...”
My eyes were a little shocked, when I saw tears fall out of her
green eyes, her red hair trying to cover the little stream of
her cheeks. “I was afraid to lose you again... I was afraid that
you would go away when you heard that I will soon be gone.” Her
soft little hands attempted to erase the tears from her eyes,
with no success at all. “I was afraid that you would change your
reaction to me, changed with the knowledge of my departure...
“I’m sorry!” She cried as she threw herself on me, both her arms
circling round my neck, grabbing it for support and comfort, her
tears sinking on my chest, her head resting in trembling motion.
She stayed like that, crying, her eyes closed to the world,
hearing nothing but the sorrow of her tears. “I’m sorry, Tom,
I’m sorry... I shouldn’t have lied to you, it just wasn’t right
at all... I just wanted to be near you once again, that’s the
only reason why I said I had a sickness, I wanted to be near you
again... I’m sorry for lying to you, I’m sorry for getting too
close to you...”
Her tears drowned her voice, her grip becoming tighter and
tighter, as if seeking for a comfort inside me, as if seeking
for that something that would fill that void inside her. I saw
that the people around us were looking at us, probably attracted
by the cries of the red-haired girl. I didn’t care, I really
didn’t care.
I saw my hands slowly pet her red hair, feeling the softness of
that strand jungle, recording it into the memories inside. My
lips gently kissed her head, a kiss per every tear she let fall,
loaning her the warmness of my face. “You were probably right,
Elly...” I whispered in her ears, as kisses continued to shower
her. “I probably would have changed if I had learned about it, I
probably would have treated you differently... But I’m sure of
one thing, that knowing about it wouldn’t have kept me away, it
wouldn’t have stopped me from loving you... Love is something
that not even the Gods can change...”
I think her tears were slowly stopping, no response from her
silent voice. We just stood there in quiet, our bodies
communicating voicelessly to each other. No words were
necessary, our embrace were enough to each other.
“Let’s go, Elly...” A voice woke us out of our dreams, Bob
standing a few meters away from us, his eyes reflecting the
sadness of Elly. “They’re letting people in the plane
already...”
“Go on, Elly.” I whispered to her, words that I did not wish to
say. “It’s no use delaying the unevitable...”
She nodded sadly, as she slowly detached from me, trying once
again to wipe her tears clean, sniffing. I looked up at Bob,
who’s sight stared elsewhere, afraid to meet my eyes. “Great job
in hiding the secret, Bob.” I said in my casual voice. “I’m
quite impressed by it...”
“I’m sorry, Tom.” He replied, still looking away from me. “But I
was just keeping a promise to Elly, I hope you can
understand...”
Bob slowly faded away in the multi-colored crowd, his red hair
no longer recognizable from the confused mass. Elly was still
trying to stop her weepings, trying with no success. “I...” She
said, little signs of sobbing still present in her voice. “I
guess I should get going too, huh?” A little sniffing.
“Good-bye, Tom. Farewell.”
She flashed a forced smile to me, trying to put on a strong
face, yet unable to cover all of her feelings in it. She turned
away and walked firmly toward the airplane port, ready to fade
away in the no-face crowd, just as her uncle did. I looked at
her, my eyes not believing its sights, trying to find a way to
delay it from happening, trying to slow time from slowly
slipping away. Trying to keep her with me still...
“Wait!” I yelled out after her, feeling my footsteps slowly
follow her. “Don’t go yet, Elly, don’t go!”
She turned her eyes and saw me, and there we
stood, facing each other, just a few feet apart from each other.
“Don’t go yet, Elly...” I pleaded, the shock of her departure
finally striking me. “Don’t go, Elly... Come with me... Come
with me, Elly...”
A sad smile flashed on her face. “And what would we do after I
come with you, Tom?” Her red hair covered part of her green
eyes.
“I... I don’t know... Maybe we could just run away, and then...
And then live together in an apartment or something, or...”
She silenced my words with a kiss, her lips touching with mine
again, trying to suck some pain away from my mind. “You know
that it wouldn’t work, Tom.” She whispered, as she placed her
forehead on mine, as if to try to transfer her thoughts to me.
“We’re too young... And love makes us do so many crazy
things...”
“I know...” I whispered back, realizing the cruel truth of our
fates. “I know...” I then stuck my hands into my pockets, and
brought out the little leather box. “I... I promised to give you
a necklace for your dress, so...”
A smile spread on her face, as her hands enclosed mine, with the
box between them. “Keep it, Tom.” She whispered as she stared
right into my eyes. “As a reminder of our love, as a reminder
that love still do exist, no matter how cruel it is. When you
find the right person, give her this necklace, so that part of
me will be protecting you, and part of me will be with you...”
I slowly nodded, gripping the box tighter in my palm. She kissed
me on the cheek, before she departed again. “I’m still going to
the same college, Tom.” She said as she went away, my eyes still
staring at the gripped box. “No matter in which state I might
end...”
I did not look up, perhaps fearing that tears might escape my
eyes, perhaps fearing that I might chase after her once again.
When I looked up again, she was gone, the crowd covering her
existence away. “I will follow you, Elly...” I whispered to
myself, as I stared at the place that had occupied her, only a
few minutes ago. “I will follow you... Even if it is to the ends
of the world...” |
