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Wednesday. 10/12/05. 03:59:25 AM
Ryo hated working this late at night. He was always grumpy this
late at night. His bag of trail mix hangs barely on the edge of
his computer desk, the bright light of the computer monitor
spotlighting his face in front of the screen. If he could see
himself he would see how tired he was. If he could see himself
he would have patted himself gently on the back and told him to
go to sleep.
But that was impossible lately. He probably only averaged about
four hours every night since the case started, and that average
was going down lower and lower. Reading Eiji's Xanga and LJ
entries, Ryo was starting to feel as if he was merging mentally
with this character, this man who had mysteriously died weeks
ago, with a cause that no one could figure it out.
Ryo was afraid that it was a virus. But that couldn't be it now,
could it? If it was a true virus, it would have at least spread
by now, and a circle of people all linking back to Eiji would
have started to die, and considering how social Eiji was in his
off times, this circle would have been a pretty big one to have
passed unnoticed by either the media or the authorities.
"Listening to Nirvana this late at night, I realized that I
really haven't changed much at all. I'm still this alcoholic
druggie doing whatever people stick on my face, raging against
something that I can't quite understand, and still feeling weird
and out of place no matter how much fun I have with anybody. No
matter how close I get to anybody, I always feel like I'm
somehow away from them afterwards, and there's always this
entire feeling that something is wrong, and maybe I'm doing
everything wrong." One Xanga entry read.
"Looking at the achievements of others, I realize that I pretty
much just wasted my life. It's a sad thing, but I believe it may
be true. I'm doing a job a High Schooler with no degree could
easily take, and I'm burned out every time I head into work
because I just don't like it that much, because it all just
feels boring and plain." Another one repeated the theme.
"I think I need a change of scenery anyway, I've never stayed at
a place for longer than 5 years, I've always had to keep moving
on, traveling from one place to another. I've tried hard and
hard to settle down and 'sprout roots' and so on, but I can't, I
seem to be unrested all the time, and it may be a sign that I
need to keep moving."
Reading from it all, Ryo started to fall asleep.
"You said that you didn't want it all to end this way," Read one
of the lines from Eiji's lyrics posted on Janimes. "Planes were
flying in the sky like fireflies in the summer night, that's how
I remembered first seeing Hoshie in my life." Read another story
of his.
"Hello, readers of this message!!!
"My name is Tom Lin, and I'm a newbie to this forum. Even though
I'm basically too busy to watch anime most of the time, I'm
still a big fan at heart, and still haven't given up on the form
yet. I'm now really busy drawing crap for my manga, and if I
ever get a website going (Pfft, not likely...), I'll post it up
so everyone can visit it and see what kind of crap I draw
everyday.
"Don't know what to say anymore, but still having fun writing,
hope to get some replies." Were the first things he'd ever
posted on the forum.
Eiji left a life online, with his screen name Tom Lin. Eiji lost
his life outside, his name now tagged on the big toe of his
lifeless body.
With that in mind, Ryo passed out and fell asleep on the chair,
his head pressed on the keyboard, his arms limp on his side.
The only thing that was on his mind was how much he was missing
Eiji already... |
