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Sunday. 11/06/05. 04:27:45 AM
Stuffing shirt after shirt after shirt into his suitcase, Ryo
felt a small trickle of sweat glide down his side of the face.
The night was quite warm and the shot glasses of rum didn't help
cool the heat of the night. Even though the future was
uncertain, and his life, even more, he felt like this was the
clearest he's ever seen in his life, and the truth of it all is,
he didn't care.
Eiji said that he wanted to die, that he wanted to give up
trying for everything else in life. "The spell came through
slowly, as my hate for my own life became surer and surer." Eiji
said, as he sipped his tea yesterday afternoon. "At the
beginning, it was just like a buzz, a slight loss of
consciousness, but as I thought about my life, about how much
I've wasted it, about all the money and time my parents wasted
in raising me, about all the bad things I've done, the drugs,
broken relationships, fights, everything, my vision and feelings
started to blur, slowly but surely, as my hate towards myself
rose.
"In the end, I hated myself so much, as all these guilts and
memories washed over me, that their weight held me down on the
ground, and pinned me down, so hard that my lungs couldn't move,
that my heart stopped beating."
"Couldn't you stop yourself?" Ryo asked, his tea still sitting
untouched.
"Once you're down so much on depression," Eiji replied. "There
was no way you could free yourself from it. The unconsciousness
is much more powerful than anything else the mind has, so once
it takes over, it takes over completely." Eiji paused, sighed
and took another sip of his tea. "The only thing I could do was
wonder what I should think about before my last breath expired,
how I should be lying so that it was more dramatic for the
cops." Chuckles. "It's funny how once you conquer death, every
chaos seems to calm down into slow motion, rational and simple.
"Once you're dead, everything is much more happier."
Ryo didn't know what to say, all that he could do was wait, for
the next words to be spoken.
"When I was dead, I heard some voices." Eiji said, continuing.
"At first, I thought that it was a dream, that maybe the
afterlife was just a long and eternal dream..."
The waitress came over, and asked if everything was okay. Eiji
just nodded and asked for one more order of Almond Chai tea, and
also a tiramisu along with it. "Do you want anything?" Eiji
asked Ryo.
Ryo just shook no.
The waitress left and the simple mood music continued on.
Unable to wait any longer, Ryo tried to prompt Eiji to continue.
"And then, what happened?"
Eiji just smiled, and finished the rest of his tea. |
