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III
The
date didn’t feel the way I had expected it to. I thought as I
walked through the silent streets, my head down in confusion,
watching the grayness of the sidewalk. A car passed by, flashing
its light into the darkness, hoping to see more than what its
eyes allowed it to.
I
had felt so excited when Sean said yes, felt so happy when I
called Ron to tell him about it, yet… When it had happened, I
felt no warmness stirring inside my chest. I felt nervous, not
delighted, even though I had dreamed of this date for so long,
since I first fell in love with Sean, back in Junior High… Or
was I in love with Sean? I wondered as I walked though those
familiar avenues, my destination too well known for me to miss.
Why
had I sat down with Ron that day? As I watched Sean practice in
the field, something I had done for weeks before the game. I
could have just stood near the wired fence, watching as I always
did, wishing for Sean to notice my heart, my love. Yet I sat
down near Ron, talking, wondering more about him.
I
guess I figured out why, as I stared for the first time into
Sean’s eyes, our hands touching in that fated way. I felt no
warmness as I saw his brown eyes, felt nothing as our hands
touched, briefly. I guess my heart already knew whom she
belonged to, I was just too stubborn to admit.
I
looked up at the stars as I reached my destination, still unsure
about what to do next, or the things I should say to him. I knew
Ron lived alone, in a house owned by his dad, who never came
back since Ron’s mom died of a mysterious disease. He still
sends Ron money, and talked to him on the phone once every
month, yet he never came back to the house, cursed by the
memories of his diseased wife.
My
mind raced as I approached his door, glimpsing into the words I
should say, the way I should act. I was too confused then,
mystified by the ways of life, as I slowly tried the doorknob.
It was unlocked, as I slowly opened the door, still thinking
about the words I should say…
And
then I saw it, my eyes wide open, shaking as the vision came. I
quickly closed the door, as quietly as I could, before I ran
crazily away from there, crazy for nothing, crazy for myself. I
came too late, there was nothing else I could do.
Ron
was kissing Lena, I saw them kiss, his eyes closed, the end of
my world.
I
had come to realize it too late. |
