Unknown, Unnoticed



            “Hey, Ron, do you want to come to McDonald’s with us?” Kat had yelled that day, long ago, ignoring the angry stares from the other students in the study hall.

            “Yeah,” Sean had smiled then, standing just behind her. “Kat won’t go anywhere unless you come, so you better come quietly, or I’ll be forced to drag your ass out of here.”

            I had laughed then and accepted the offer, ignoring the threats of the study hall supervisor, skipping classes with my only two companions in the world. What a fool, what a fool I am. Being near the one you love, won’t make her fall in love with you. The fool, thinking she would love me, think that we would gradually fall back together… Only ‘cause I love her, and she like me… What a fool… All this time, I’ve been fooling myself, seeing only what I wanted to see.

            I fooled myself into thinking that she was made for me. A fool, all I was made for was the trash heap, the shit stuck at the end of the trashcans. I didn’t go to school the next few days, but lied on my soft bed, doing nothing, my mind no longer able to see the world as it is. I couldn’t go to school, because I knew that I wouldn’t be able to see them both together, to pretend a smile as they both cruised by, say hello, and try not to cry. I knew I wouldn’t be able to do that. So I didn’t. I feel like I’m running away.

            I was all through being pitiful. I couldn’t even cry. Not anymore. If I could just disappear… I see why not, no one will miss me if I did…

            The doorbell rang then, my eyes shifting up in the dark. I didn’t want to answer it, yet I did. Don’t know why. I wish I knew why. It was just Lena, Sean’s ex-girlfriend, a visitor from the times past. “Why didn’t you come to school?” She asked, as she let herself in.

            “Didn’t feel good,” I said, as I pretended a smile. “So thought I should rest till better.”

            “I called you a couple of times, why didn’t you answer?”

            “The rings were annoying me, so I unplugged them all.”

            She looked at me skeptically. “You look extremely sad, Ron.”

            That surprised me a little, as I tried to cover up the shock with a little laugh. “Why do you say that? You’re so wrong, Lena.”

            “Your eyes. They’re empty.” Lena said, as she stepped closer to me, trying to look into my eyes. I tried to avoid her inspection by faking up a little cough, turning my head away. She seems to have noticed my intentions, for she stopped trying to look at them, and stood there with her fists resting on her hips. I stopped my fake-coughing act, as she smiled and said, “Look, I’ve got a surprise that might cheer you up. So why don’t you just close your eyes, while I take the thing out of my car?”

            I knew she wasn’t going to give up, so I did what she said. It was already too late when I felt her lips, a kiss that sealed us up. It was too late, for I knew not how to stop it then, so I let my eyes stay closed, and let it sooth some of my pain away. “Don’t give up your future right now,” She whispered after the kiss, resting her head on my chest. “There’s still so much to go.”

            I did go back to school after that, even though our trio was never the same again, as if my absence had somehow changed us all. I don’t know, maybe we all grew up when I was gone, and realized how childish we had seemed together. I didn’t attend my graduation though, received my diploma via the mail, because I didn’t feel like seeing us together again. It just felt painful, somehow. I did meet Kat one last time, before we all departed on our separate ways, our futures now separated from each other. She told me she was shopping for Sean’s good-bye gift, and pleaded me to tag along. I couldn’t refuse. What fools in love do in order to be with their loves. I followed her around from store to store, watching her smile, the smile that I love so much.

            I did feel the pain grasp my heart, yet I somehow managed to hide it behind a weak laughter and smile. My mind screamed so many times for me to tell her my feelings, yet I restrained myself. What’s the point in confessing my love? When all she thought of was Sean, and nobody else? Every time we went into a new store, every second that passed, I thought of how this would be our last time together, alone, before she left in the arms of Sean, before we all drifted apart. “Ooh, look at this scarf.” She cried as we neared another store in the mall.

            The scarf was of a celestial blue, with white puffs sneaking their way onto it. The scarf reminded me of the beautiful skies, the cloud smiling as they passed by under the yellow sun. Kat looked disappointed when she saw the price tag, a hefty price for such a small object. “That’s a shame.” She said, as she looked at it longingly. “I wish I had enough money to buy that scarf…”

            I couldn’t stand that look in her eyes, so I told her to wait up, and went inside the store. The money was supposed to last me two full weeks, but I didn’t really care, as I spend it all on that little scarf, don’t know why, don’t know how. She looked at it dearly as I gave it to her, a smile on my face as I put my hands into my jean pockets. She held it lovingly, happiness lighting up in her eyes. “Thank you.” She said, her gentle voice slowly killing my heart. “I will treasure this forever.”

“Don’t you mean Sean will treasure that forever?” I asked, curiously, as she went on to the next store, the scarf held dearly in her hands. “Considering that we’re here to buy Sean’s good-bye present?”
            She didn’t answer me, so I didn’t try any further. She bought me a small radio, one of those that has only the AM/FM functions, but had speakers built in onto the surface. As I exchanged it with some lunch in some weird french restaurant, the name being “Le Mani” or something like that. “Today feels too beautiful to be spent inside,” She said after we left the restaurant, the sun now warming our hearts. “Want to go to Putama River, and lie near there for a while?”

            “Sure,” I replied, a smile on my face. “Why not? For old times sakes.”

            “For old times sakes…” She repeated dreamily, as we headed toward the river, the stuffs we bought still held in our hands.

            I was such a fool.




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